So you're in Vegas and you're discovering a side of Vegas the megaresorts wish would just go away: adult entertainment.
While we have no problem providing you with a guide to the best shimmies and shakes this side of San Andreas, we do want to implore upon you that prior to hopping in a cab and barking, "To the strip clubs!" you take the time to read -- and understand -- a few Rules O' The Game.
DRESS CODES: Some of the more upscale joints require shirts with collars -- and they must be tucked in. Others permit untucked shirts or T-shirts, but no shorts. The general rule is common sense; after all, you're going to be surrounded by beautiful women, so you should at least look the part. Come in looking like a bum and they'll give you the bum's rush.
DOOR CHARGES: The fact is that most strip clubs increase their door charge during convention season. Still, a large group of well-behaved and well-dressed patrons arriving together could conceivably quietly approach the doorman and bargain their way past this cover fee, especially if they arrive early (7-8 p.m.) and order drinks immediately.
STOCK UP ON CASH: Money makes the world go 'round. This statement can't be any truer than it is at a strip club. You can get drinks with your debit or credit card, but you can forget about stage or lap dances. Dancers are cash only. Yes, there are ATMs at strip clubs, but many charge a 15 percent fee or more; if you take $100 that's nearly a lap dance worth of fees. Stop by an ATM machine before you head to the strip club, even if it's at a casino, the fee is likely less than what you'll find at a strip club.
HANDS OFF: Perhaps you've heard tales of wild and reckless abandon taking place in Las Vegas striptease clubs, or perhaps you've seen that travesty of truth, "Showgirls." Either way, understand this: These women are, no matter what it may seem like, working. Keep your hands to yourself and you'll avoid a kick in the groin or a bouncer's meaty shove. Leaving the grinding to the gals will result in a better lap dance anyway.
TIPPING: Hellooooo, anybody home who's not used to getting their mojo working on the Net? Unlike the digital kind, these gals work for tips and tips alone. That means this: (1) Don't go into a strip club with barely enough dough to cover a round of brew; (2) Don't look repeatedly at a dancer working her stuff without walking up and tipping her and (3) Do not, under any circumstances, sit at stageside seating without a pocketful of dollars. How much will you need for a night? If you are an average drinker, figure at least $30 per hour for a drink or two and stage tipping; lap dances go for $20 each, so add that on if you think you'll find the woman of your dreams (You will, so add it on now).
PROSTITUTION: 100 percent illegal in Clark County. Don't solicit, suggest dinner or ask for a date; these women are dancers, not hookers.